You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
