We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
