Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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