Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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