I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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