You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
