I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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