I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
