am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
