I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
