What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
