I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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