I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
