I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
