If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
