We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
