Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
