I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
