if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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