I seem to have left my pride at pride
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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