I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
