wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
