woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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