either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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