Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
