Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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