If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
