I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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