I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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