i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
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She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
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Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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