you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
