i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
