Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm at about main and main street
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
