WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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