just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
