first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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