Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
