wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
This is the high leading the old right now
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize