I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
