Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
