how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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