You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Who died my cat blue again?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
