Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
