I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
