my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
