Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize