Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Randomize
