scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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