Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
