Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
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You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
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He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.