My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
No...this little piggys going to the bar
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.