i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......