so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I've blown a few things in my day
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
