so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
