I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
