just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
