:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
