Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
