i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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