Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
