yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
