Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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