Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
