When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
