shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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