Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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