Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
