Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
