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if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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