just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
