You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
