are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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