just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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