meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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