I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
