Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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