I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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