Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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