she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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