We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
